February 2011
1 post
Me (referring to karate): Do you have a black belt?
My Gay Best Friend: In karate or like as an accessory?
January 2011
2 posts
My Gay Best Friend (on Britney Spears’ new single): I heard it on Perez and didn’t fall in love. But I’m gay so I guess I have to.
WE'RE BACK!
Hey guys, just wanted to let you know we’re back from our winter vacation. In my case it was filled with lots of instant netflix and trashy shows on E…
Let the posting continue!
xoxo
The Dream Team
December 2010
8 posts
My Gay Best Friend (while playing with my hair): Why don’t you ever do anything with your hair?
Me: I don’t even know how to braid my hair.
My Gay Best Friend: Oh my God, it’s a gay man’s worst nightmare.
After watching the scene from Scott Pilgrim, where he defeats the evil ex-girlfriend by poking the back of her knee
My Gay Best Friend: …and now I’m afraid of girl’s knees.
Me: Why?
My Gay Best Friend: Coz… female orgasms… *shudders*
Me: And now you associate the two?
My Gay Best Friend: Yes.
Me: You know that isn’t actually how it works…
My Gay Best Friend: I don’t wanna know! And get...
My Gay Best Friend: Omg this shit is hilarious. It makes me want to go out and make fun of people.
My Best Friend: Why? Making fun of people is mean.
My Gay Best Friend: Only if you say it to their face, besides its called constructive criticism and I got made fun of all the time now look at me, I’m a bad bitch!
My Best Friend: Making fun of someone is NOT constructive criticism. It’s...
Gay Best Friend 1: You know… you’re just a lesbian in progress. Gay Best Friends 2 and 3: Yeah, I can see it, too. Me:..The flannel gives it away, huh?
My Gay Best Friend (After seeing his own reflection in a window): Wow, for a second I was like, ‘Who is that cute boy?’ Then I realized, ‘Oh! Ha! That’s me!’
My Gay Best Friend: When i see a superman symbol i think of Jesus, not Jesus from the bible, Jesus from Godspell. It is quite apparent I am gay.
My Gay Best Friend: Today I bought Beyonce’s I Am…Sasha Fierce and a Devil Wears Prada/27 Dresses Combo DVD. I am not straight.
My Gay Best Friend: “I mean…you gotta love stupid people. OMG LETS GATHER STUPID PEOPLE UP AND PUT THEM IN A ZOO AND CHARGE ADMISSION. WE’D BE MILLIONAIRES.”
My Gay Best Friend: Those trapped miners in Chile are going to have so much Real Housewives drama to catch up on…
November 2010
22 posts
My Gay Best Friend: I think i figured out what im gonna do last night
Me: with your life?
My Gay Best Friend: No no no, with my hair.
My Gay Best Friend: I am so girly. I would totally be the girl in the relationship. But if he was girlier than me…than we would be lesbians.
My Gay Best Friend: You know what I was doing while I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from the dance? I was pretending like I was giving a lifetime achievement award to Cyndi Lauper.
Me: Well, on the plus side….
My Gay Best Friend: Are you calling me fat?
My Gay Best Friend: I didn’t even know Girl Talk was a DJ until everyone started posting things on their facebook about him, because all I could think about was how surprised I was people still played that game!
Me (Quoting a line from a TV show): How gay am I, on a scale of one to Ellen?
My Gay Best Friend: You’re about a Bieber.
My Gay Best Friend: There’s this one Asian here that looks like a panda. And like its not racist…cause she ACTUALLY looks like a panda.
Me: “Melissa & Joey is an awful show.”
My Gay Best Friend: “I know it’s terrible, but I really watch out of devotion to Melissa Joan Hart…”
My Straight Best Friend: Pretty Woman, huh?
My Gay Best Friend: Yeah, I’m that kind of gay.
My Straight Best Friend: Well, I guess I’m that kind of gay, too. I love this movie!
Me (Straight) : You know what sucks? Boys. They’re dumb.
Gay Best Friend : Oh, so thats why you’re a lesbian.
Gay Best Friend: Maybe you guys are star-crossed lovers. But I mega hope not. He’s super gross and asperger-y.
My Gay Best Friend: I ate so many cookies today, and then I burned my tongue on pizza so I had to eat ice cream to cool it off. My BMI is now approaching 1,200.
My Gay Best Friend: Ugh…my life was made to be a memoir…
Me: Of a geisha?
My Gay Best Friend: More like a gaysha.
My gay-for-Adam-Lambert best friend: I love his eyes. Don’t you love his eyes? They’re so… seductive.
Me: Um, not really, no. I’m a dyke, remember?
My gay-for-Adam-Lambert best friend: All the more reason you should love Adam Lambert! Because he has sexy eyes! Girls have sexy eyes!
My Gay Best Friend: “I’m so tired that I’m typing with my eyes closed.”
Me: “Well, go get your beauty sleep.”
My Gay Best Friend: “I feel like I’m speaking Braille. WAIT WTF YOU CAN’T SPEAK THAT WHAT IS THIS SHIT????”
My friend: So this bitch is totally trying to steal my boyfriend. I will take her down.
My other friend: I’ll help you!
Me: Me too!
My Gay Best Friend: Me too! I’ll judge her outfit while you guys beat her up.
My Gay Best Friend: OMFG MY CLASS IS CANCELLED TONIGHT! Praise Jesus, Oprah, Mariah, all the spiritual overlords!
Me: Wow you really are gay.
My Gay Best Friend: ‘Tis true, ‘tis true.
My Gay Best Friend: “Anything you can do, I can do better in heels!”
My Gay Best Friend: Do you like my jeans? They’re my sister’s.
Me: How old is your sister?
My Gay Best friend: She’s eleven…?
My Lesbian Best Friend: “If I had a twitter, it would be full of cat videos, so I won’t get a twitter, because I don’t want to take being a cat lady to a digital level.”
Me: Why am i so weird?!
My Gay Best Friend: Uh i decided recently that it’s not us- it’s everyone else. Like..why do I moo in my sleep? I don’t know… but I do. And that’s ok.
My Gay Best Friend: I cut myself shaving while doing the Bad Romance Dance, I am the worst gay ever.
October 2010
20 posts
* while helping with Halloween makeup*
Me: That’s too much! You’re making me look like a freak! Gay Best Friend: Gurl, you’re a dominatrix for Halloween. I think “freak” is right on the menu.
Happy Halloween Everyone!
Ambiguously Gay Best Friend: I’m like, dating 15 guys.
Me: Wait- huh, you? I mean, who?
Gay Best Friend: Oh, all of these-
Me : You’re actually gay?
Gay Best Friend: What? No. Anyways. Back to who my boyfriends are…
Our teacher: Where do you picture yourself in 20 years?
My Gay Best Friend: I’ll be rich.
Me: I thought you were going to be an interior designer?
My Gay Best Friend: and a trophy husband, duh.
My Gay Best Friend: I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness.
My Straight Friend: Why do you have so much musical music on your ipod?
My Gay Best Friend: Because I’m gay… and talented.
My Gay Best Friend: No, I don’t care if you’re Kate Winslet, no one lets go of a young Leo DiCaprio!
My Gay Best Friend (talking about the first time he kissed a boy): …And then years after that, I kept thinking about it and I was like “I’m not gay…I’m NOT GAY.” Then I’d cry myself to sleep to my “Very Best of Cher” CD.
Me: Why isn’t there enough happiness?
My Gay Best Friend: Yes, there it is, it’s over the rainbow. There will be gumdrops, glitter, condoms, and poop.
My Gay Best Friend: “Men i should include more of in my life: Ben and Jerry, and George Foreman.”
(After dancing at Prom with one of my female friends who desperately wanted to dance with a male.)
My Gay Best Friend: That was weird. When we were dancing, she said to me,”Your hands are really hot.”. It was so hard not to tell her, “Well, duh. It’s because I’m flaming.”
My Gay Best Friend: I’m making pretzels tonight. Come get one when I finish.
Me: Why do you bake so much??
My Gay Best Friend: Umm, I’m gay. Duh.
To our loving lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and straight followers,
We wish you all a very happy National Coming Out day! Here at SMGBFS we fully support every single person being proud of who they are! We also recognize that sometimes humor can be a great tool used to help stop hate.
“We can’t do this alone, but together we can make a difference.”
-The HRC
Be proud of who you are. We...
My Gay Best Friend (at IHOP): What types of syrups are there?
My Straight Best Friend: Maple, Honey Almond, Boysenberry…
My Gay Best Friend: I’ll take Boysenberry! I like boys… and berries!
Me (discussing LGBTQ flag colors): The bisexual one is pink and purple, you know?
My Gay Best Friend: What’s the lesbian flag? Like brown and plaid and flannel?
Me: If I got Liberty tickets would you want to go?
My Gay Best Friend: What’s that?
Me: The New York WNBA team…?
My Gay Best Friend: Oh. Of course… my two favorite things… women and sports….
My Gay Best Friend: So, you know the Trinity, right?
Me: Father, Son, Spirit.
My Gay Best Friend: Yeah, that. And you know how God is referred to in the masculine, regardless of which part of the Trinity people reference?
Me: Yeah… so?
My Gay Best Friend: Jesus had two dads.